Davinia Taylor on Her Battle With Alcohol Addiction

 
Just weeks after failing to gain custody of her three-year-old son, Davinia Taylor has spoken out about the lowest point in her life, leading her to reject her baby and attempt suicide.
 
The millionairess, who counts Kate Moss and Sadie Frost as her close friends, long suffered alcoholism and pre-natal depression before being diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and has revealed the darkness that it brought to her life.
 
Despite being married to David Beckham’s best friend, David Gardiner, having a once successful acting career on Hollyoaks and being part of the Primrose Hill party set, the beautiful blonde was suffering inside.
 
She didn’t realise just how dependent she was on alcohol until becoming pregnant through IVF, and a few months in she became ‘manic’. In an interview with OK! Magazine, Davinia said she felt as though she was buried alive in her own head and constantly craved a drink. After suffering nightmares every night, frequent panic attacks and violent outbursts where she would start ‘smashing things’, Davinia was diagnosed with pre-natal depression seven months into her pregnancy.
 
She opted not to take antidepressants while pregnant in case it hurt the baby but by the time she gave birth, she had full blown depression. ‘The baby had all the features I didn’t want from both of us. The baby wasn’t mine’, she said. The new mother was frightened she’d drop her newborn and hated breast-feeding, leading her to turn to alcohol again to get her through each day.
 
‘Trying to breast-feed gave me such a creepy feeling.  It made me feel sick.  I was thinking, don’t touch me, get off me, give me a glass.’ At one stage the baby had to go back to hospital and stay in an incubator while he recovered from jaundice and her then husband David had to drag her away from the pub to just go and visit him.
 
She confessed that she felt disgusted with herself and knew what she was doing was wrong but continued to drink to numb the pain of her feelings. Her constant fear that she’d drop the baby one day came true and while changing a nappy on the sofa, the newborn rolled off and hit his head. ‘I screamed for the nanny.  I thought, I’m not even fit to hold this child, I’m not a decent mum’, she told the magazine.
At her lowest point Davinia admitted she was drinking around a double shot every 45 minutes plus wine with lunch and dinner.
 
And on one occasion she tried to end her life by slitting her wrists as she sat in the bath and sobbed. Luckily she got up and went into another room telling the nurse in the house she’d done it, who quickly dressed the superficial wounds.
 
When she tried to stop drinking on a couple of occasions she ended up having alcoholic fits and would pass out from the shock of coming off it. But finally Davinia made the decision to enter rehab and chose a clinic called Montrose Place in South Africa. By this point she had already damaged her liver and brain but says she has managed to rejuvenate her liver since becoming sober.
 
Throughout the process she was also diagnosed with bi-polar and says she’s will now never drink again. Since ending her marriage with David, she has sworn off alcohol and become a fitness and health freak who has turned her life around. ‘I will never drink again.  My child will never see me drunk’, she says. But in a rare court judgement, 33-year-old David was granted custody of the couple’s son, as revealed by the Daily Mail.
 
After losing custody of her child and battling alcoholism and depression, Davinia says she wants to share her story and help other people who are battling similar issues.